


you never called back, why is that?

by chrysanthenims



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-06 20:43:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16840069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrysanthenims/pseuds/chrysanthenims
Summary: in which Jinsoul is Jungeun's online english tutor.





	1. Chapter 1

“All right, good bye. See you tomorrow,” Jinsoul finished, exhausted. Of course she was aware that taking up a part time job as an online english tutor was going to come with its inconveniences, that’s a given with any job. However, she did not take into account how arduous it is having to be decent to up to 8 people in a row on a few hours of sleep.

Normally she’d enjoying speaking to her tutee’s but that pleasure was robbed from her after Chaewon, her first student of the day, decided to make a joke about her age, which she her sleep deprived mind did not take all too well. After that, going through the rest of her students was a chore she begrudgingly undertook.

Taking her headset off, Jinsoul decides to browse her calendar on the tutor website to see if her schedule for the day is over. Much to her disappointment, which manifests into the form of a loud sigh, there was a new client she had recently acquired.

And with the headset lazily thrown back onto her head, she skypes the username on the profile given to her.

**KimLip99**

She rests her chin on the palm of her hand as she waits for **KimLip99** to answer.

Once the skype video call was connected, a soft ‘woah’ escaped the other party’s lips. Jinsoul decides to ignore that.

Pleasantly, the person was pretty, exceptionally pretty. So pretty that Jinsoul thinks she could be an idol.

Her hair, a warm brown, rippling with waves, cascaded over her shoulders nicely, and if Jinsoul wasn’t so dead tired she would’ve admired her more.

“Hello,” She starts in a soft, amiable tone in order to ease the other girl into speaking english comfortably as most beginners are usually apprehensive about their pronunciation skill.

“H-Hello,” She stammers back in a barely above mute voice.

Continuing, Jinsoul introduces herself, “I’m Jinsoul what’s your name?” She says her name the Korean way, contrasting the rest of her sentence, which was delivered with a smooth american accent.

“Jung Eun. I am twenty.” Jungeun replies with a slight hint of a Korean accent woven in.

“How was your day?” Jinsoul asks. That sentence was always the perfect device to test someone’s knowledge of a language.

“G-good. I eat kimchi today. Uh...it was really delicious.”

Her broken english makes Jinsoul chuckle before she corrects her, “Ate. You ate kimchi today.’

“Ah. Ah. Ate.” Jungeun repeats back, seemingly taking mental note.

“Anything else you did?”

“Hm... Oh! I studied.”

“And what did you study?”

“English.” Jungeun’s l slurred into a bit of a r

Jinsoul takes note of that, and how her answers have been short and simple so far.

“Okay. We’ll have to work on your pronunciation and making more complex sentences then.” She sighs.

_This was going to be a long night._

–

The second time Jinsoul tutors Jungeun is when her irate stomach demands for a strawberry pastry during their lesson session. Normally, she finds eating in front of her students to be unprofessional, and something she rarely does, if ever. But this time she was just way too hungry and her stomach refused to negotiate any further.

So in between little and poorly concealed bites she instructs Jungeun on how to properly enunciate her words.

“You should take it easy. Slow down before you choke.” Jungeun starts in her native language.

Jinsoul raises her eyebrows in shock, mid bite. Ah caught red-handed. Damn it. She swallows the previous bite and then clears her throat.

“Ah, Sorry about that.” She apologizes in Korean to match Jungeun. Her reply prompt a giggle from the brunette.

“You must really like strawberry pastries. Sorry about the Korean by the way, I just don’t know how to say it in english.” She comments and bashfully looks away from her screen, where Jinsoul resides.

Jinsoul smiles, amused by the sudden apology, “Don’t worry about. And no not really, I’m just really hungry right now and really is an understatement.”

“Did you not eat today?” Jungeun inquires, this time in english. Her voice displays genuine concern for the blonde’s well being and Jinsoul appreciates that.

“Good use of your english. I was just so busy today I forgot to eat lunch.” Her choice of language replicates Jungeun’s.

Only when silence envelopes them for some time, does Jinsoul realize that Jungeun’s been staring at her. Not just at her but at her lips specifically.

Feeling self conscious, Jinsoul’s hand glides over her lip, “Do I have something?...”

That seemed to have interrupted the brunette’s daze for long enough for her to answer, switching to Korean this time, “H-Huh? Uh yeah, you’ve got a little crumb here.” She points a little left of her own lips to visually guide Jinsoul to where speck is.

“Is it gone now?” Jinsoul decides to stay in english, knowing Jungeun would understand this simple question.

The brunette only nods.

–

Jinsoul’s been tutoring Jungeun for almost 2 weeks now. Jungeun’s made tremendous progress compared to the way she stammered her english out prior. Jinsoul likes to delight herself by believing that her great teaching skills are the reason for Jungeun’s advancement but she knows that it’s because Jungeun’s a fast learner and would’ve been able to do just as well with any other tutor.

In all honesty, she just can’t help but be proud of her.

–

Jinsoul learns about Jungeun’s knack for conversing when one of their conversations last into the early AMs, 2 AM to be exact

Which is far too long into the night and Jinsoul thinks she should get to sleep as to not compromise her exam the following day but the way Jungeun spouts about her love for owls makes her too endearing for Jinsoul to end the video call (or maybe Jinsoul just likes the way Jungeun gets vividly expressive when talking about things she loves or the way she smiles brightly when talking about how she thinks owls are cute and how their ‘mean-looking’ faces are nothing to fear but to be appreciated instead).

–

It is when Jinsoul and Jungeun are having one of their drawn out tutoring sessions (though at this point the sessions are less of lessons and rather just Jungeun paying to have conversations with Jinsoul. Jinsoul doesn’t understand why Jungeun continues to pay her to tutor her when she’s already reached a satisfactory understanding of english but she doesn’t question it) does Jungeun asks her about her private life.

“I always share everything about my day to you why don’t you tell me anything?” Jungeun whines, showing her best petulant countenance.

Jinsoul smiles fondly as she types down some notes on her analysis of Jungeun’s speaking before saying, “Because it’s not my job to, my job is to teach you english.”

“Ugh, I know that,” She stretches the know, “but still, I’d like to consider us friends…” She trails off.

“When did we become friends?” Jinsoul teases.

“Wow…”

Jinsoul doesn’t know if it’s the mic interference or the sound of her keyboard clicking as she types that’s playing a trick on her ears but she swears she hears a disappointed tone in Jungeun’s remark.

Feeling a tinge bit of guilt she asks, “Okay, What would you like to know?”

“Do you like someone?”

That caught Jinsoul off guard and Jungeun doesn’t miss to catch it. “You don’t have to answer if it’s too personal.”

“No it’s fine. And no, I don’t. Why? Do you?”

“Yeah.”

Jinsoul would be lying if she said that hearing that didn’t cause a constricting feeling in her chest. She just dismisses it telling herself that it’s something trivial that would go away in no time.

–

Except it doesn’t go away. No, it refuses to go away. It comes uninvited, like some unwelcome pest.

It comes every time Jungeun decides that it’s a good idea to talk about her stupid crush, as if it’s not hurting Jinsoul every time. She talks endlessly about how they’re so perfect, how she loves how the light hits their blonde hair making it seem golden, how their eyes turn into crescent moons when they laugh, how they tenderly smile at her when she makes a mistake, or how their dumbness is their cutest trait to her.

Jinsoul hates ever moment of it. Instead of gaily answering Jungeun’s skype calls ( that aren’t tutoring calls anymore since they’ve upgraded to internet friends from a tutor and her student ) now every time she gets an incoming call from Jungeun it does nothing but break her heart. It hurts how what used to be her favorite thing to do has turned into something that results in a familiar pang in her heart. That pang in her heart that she knows is coming because she knows that when she accepts the call she’s going to be faced with an all too happy, glowing like she’s experiencing first love, wearing her brightest smile that makes Jinsoul swoon, Jungeun.

The pang in her heart that never leaves when she sees that Jungeun is that radiant and just that much in love for she knows that she is not the reason for that happiness.

It is only then that Jinsoul realizes that she’s falling in love, no, in love with Jungeun.

–

“I think...I think I’m going to ask them out tomorrow.”

Why are you telling me this?

Jinsoul wishes she could just shut her computer down and run away. She wishes that she could confess, that she could tell Jungeun how she loves Jungeun more than that person could. That if that person were willing to give her the stars, she’d give her the universe. That if they were willing to paint the sky for her, she’d capture it and more.

She wants to tell her how wants her. How she wants her when she’s old and gray, when she’s screaming over the new Suzy song, or when she’s arguing with Jinsoul over how the violin is the better instrument over the piano any day which Jinsoul disagrees with. But she’d change her mind for Jungeun any second, no matter how stubborn she is, because it’s Jungeun after all.

The same Jungeun that despises lotus root with all her might, the same Jungeun that adores swimming until she tires, the same Jungeun who’s favorite disney characters are chip and dale.

Jinsoul wants to tell her how she wants her more than anything. But instead she says,

“Good luck. Tell me how it goes.”

–

But Jinsoul doesn’t get to hear about how it went. Because she’s decided that she doesn’t want to hurt herself anymore, that she can’t. She’s decided that shutting Jungeun out was the right thing to do, for herself and for Jungeun because she knows she isn’t able to be that happy friend who genuinely congratulates Jungeun for successfully asking her crush out.

So when Jungeun calls the next day at their usual time, Jinsoul lets it ring in its entirety.

This is the right thing to do. She chants that phrase as if it’s a mantra.

It was going well until Jungeun calls again right after. And again after that. Until the continuous ringing tires of mocking her and finally ends.

It’s silent.

-

Jungeun calls again the next day. Repeatedly. The calls are stubborn, refusing to be refused. So Jinsoul cuts it off once for all and just outright cancels the call. That becomes the last one, maybe Jungeun’s finally got the hint.

-

No calls come after that. Jinsoul goes on with her life, her classes, and her tutor part time job, and she figures Jungeun has too.

She catches herself thinking of the other girl from time to time, if she’s happy or if the confession did work out afterall. Jinsoul even thinks about calling Jungeun up one evening when her friends are out, friends whos invitation for a night of fun she had declined because she was too tired, and she’s left in her dorm alone.

There’s a tinge of loneliness wafting in her quiet room and she’s craving a strawberry pastry.

-

Jinsoul’s hair is in a messy, disheveled bun, and a large blue pullover dons her torso and the upper half of her athletic shorts while she waits in line to ring up the pink confectionary.

“Jinsoul?”

That voice sounds all too familiar.

_oh my god_

  
  



	2. 2

"Jinsoul? Is that you?"

And there she was, standing before Jinsoul, as pretty as she was when Jinsoul last saw her. The girl who she had ignored for about 6 months now, maybe even longer, Jinsoul doesn't know as she's lost count after the first month. 

But who is she kidding though, she can't lie to herself and say that she never found her cursor wandering to Jungeun's skype profile. She can't lie to herself and say that she hasn't spent minutes with her cursor hovering over the call button, internally debating over wether to call Jungeun or not. All attempts of that sort have always ended up futile, because Jinsoul's a coward. A coward who pushed her closest friend away, who pushed maybe the love of her life away, because she was too scared. Someone who must be a masochist because she chose to hurt herself. Someone whos too weak to even summon the meager amount of courage needed to fix the situation she idiotically put herself into.

But pathetically suffering like this is better than watching Jungeun be happy with someone else, right? 

And suddenly the emotions she felt during those 6 months without Jungeun wash over her, an emulsion of sadness, guilt, and most of all regret crash down onto her like a heavy tsunami. Burning hot tears glisten over her eyes and she rappidly blinks them away before Jungeun could notice.

"So it is you." Jungeun gives a small, delicate smile. 

Jinsoul's numb body feels too dense to run away and too weary to break down. So she does neither, instead all she says is,

"Hi, Jungeun." Meak and mumbled.

-

"I didn't realize you lived so close." Jungeun starts.

"Me neither." 

They're outside now and the sharp wind is as strident as ever. Situated on a bench outside of the convenience store, Jinsoul takes petite bites of her pastry which, with her appetite long gone, tastes rather dull. She doesn't feel like eating it anymore or anything at all for the matter. She just desires for the comfortable security of her home at this point. Or any place that's not near Jungeun. 

"So, how have you been?"

"Good, You?" Jinsoul keep its brief, her response insinuates urgency. Anyone with a brain could tell that Jinsould did not want to be there. 

And Jungeun could. 

"Jinsoul, did I do something wrong?" 

Jinsoul's never loathed herself as much as she did in this moment. She feels pathetic, like she's the worst person on Earth. 

What was wrong with her? Not only did she drive Jungeun away, she selfishely and completely dismissed the other girl's feelings. 

"What?! NO! Of course not!" Jinsoul erupts, the words forefully slipping from her tongue quicker than she can make of them. 

Her sudden and boisterous proclamation causes Jungeun to slightly flinch.

"I-I'm sorry." She apologizes in a much softer timbre. 

As if Jinsoul didn't already feel enough like utter scum, Junguen just had to ask, with so much desparation,

"Then why? why aren't we friends anymore? why did you ignore my calls?"

"I can't answer that." 

And Jinsoul figures that she's the biggest, most pathetic coward in the world. Because even when she's presented with an easy opportunity to confess, she still can't.

It's so easy, too easy. It's right there, just within her reach. Just four words, 

_I'm in love with you_

Yet, she just can't find herself being able to jump, still afraid that instead of a flower garden waiting for her it is an unknown abyss that she is diving into.

It's attainable, no longer some implausible day dream for her. 

Jinsoul can't help but think that maybe in another world she woudn't be the chicken that she is. In another world she'd be able to confess and her and Jungeun would live happily ever after. Except that can only happen in another world, for in another world Jungeun would love her too. 

But they're not the Jungeun and Jinsoul of another world, they belong to this world where Jinsoul is helplessly in love with a Jungeun who doesn't love her back. 

They're in this world, where Jinsoul is merely a coward who can't voice her feelings out. 

And all that scaredy-cat Jinsoul can do is utter a feeble apology with offer of a rebuilt friendship sans so much as a proper explaination.

-

Jinsoul doesn't expect Jungeun to accept that proposal because truthfully, she deserves better than Jinsoul. But she can't help but be happy that Jungeun accepted anyway. Even if she knows one day that this delicate, poorly reassembled frienship of theirs will go up in flames for it's cautiously sitting on a mess of a secrets.

But Jinsoul can worry about that later

-

"Jinsouuuulllll," Jungeun adorably drags out, "What are you doing?"

"Homework, like the good student that I am." 

"Boring. Let's do something!"

It's December and they're lazily laying on Jungeun's apartment floor. The fragrant scent caused by the burning of the festive candles that the brunette had recently bought drift in the air.

It's comfortable. 

It's routine for them now, for both of them to simply hang out in Jungeun's apartment. Sometimes they'd watch whichever movie interests them that day, or just stay in each other's company and do nothing. No matter what they seem to find themselves doing, no matter how boring, Jinsoul wouldn't rather be anywhere else than with Jungeun. 

"Like what?"

"I don't know, like go out or something." 

"What? Are you insane? It's freezing!" Jinsoul exclaims as she shuts her laptop and gets up to get her coat anyway because she can never refuse Jungeun. 

"So? Jackets and scarves are a thing. And if you're so against it then why are you putting your coat on?" Jungeun gives her a sly smirk, knowing damn well her charms have worked on the blonde.

She playfully rolls her eyes and chuckles before replying, "Shut up and get dressed, we're going shopping." 

-

The crowded streets of Hongdae are filled to the brim with couples consdering that it's nearing Christmas time. The holiday that, in Korea more or so resembles that of Valentines Day rather than a family holiday. A merry White Day for young korean couples. Jinsoul and Jungeun are not one of those couples but with the way that Jungeun was clinging onto Jinsoul's arms someone would think otherwise. They fit right in with the crowd they were walking amongst. 

Luminious lights and vibrant decorations adorn the buildings and trees that line the street they were walking on. Jungeun's face was illuminated by the plentiful lights as she looked around at the variuos attractions in awe. 

"Look! Isn't it beautiful? And look at that big Christmas tree too!" Jungeun exclaimed through her wide smile, like some kid in a candy shop.

Jinsoul smiles, "They sure are," and she must've been feeling brave that day for she continues, "But you're more beautiful."

"Ew, what was that?" Jungeun fake gags but Jinsoul notices the pink blush that blooms onto her cheeks and the shy smiles that comes afterwards.

She knows that it was probably the sheer frosty wind blowing against them that had caused for the younger girl's suddenly colorful cheeks but she likes to entertain herself as to think that her cheesy compliment was the reason for it instead. 

"Nothing, just the truth."

Jinsoul figures that she's delusional, that it was the freezing weather that made her so cold she was going imagining things.

But, she could swear when she turned her head to look at Jungeun, she was looking at her like she was in love. Like Jinsoul was the one she was utterly, perfectly in love with. 

Why is Jungeun doing this to her?

Why is she amusing Jinsoul's unrealistic fantasy? 

She wanted nothing more than to kiss the brunette in that moment, when it feels like the world around them slowed and their breaths were amplified, but how could she whent Jungeun was not hers.

So she clears her throat and changes the subject to something else, like the ring displayed in the window shop,

"W-woah, look at that ring. It's so pretty."

There's a beat before Jungeun replies, "Y-Yeah, um it's really pretty." 

"But look at that one!" She continues, pointing to the ring right next to it.

The ring was simpler, a humble neighbor to the flashy ring next to it. 

"Wow, and you can customize it too," Jinsoul says taking note of the sign next to it that delcares that it comes with the option to be ingrained, "like you can ingrain your name into it."

"That's kinda cool. I want one like that."

-

"My hands are cold," Jungeun complains while they're crossing the street.

"Here," Jinsoul takes one of her gloved hands, interlocks it with Jungeun's before putting both of their hands into her coat pocket, "Better?"

"Much."

It's warm.

Jungeun's hand, that is.

-

"Someone asked me out today. What should I do?"

_Say no. Ignore them._

Is what Jinsoul wants to say but instead she says, "Go for it." 

-

Jinsoul stares at the happy couple in silent jealousy.

She looks on as Jungeun bids a goodbye to her and goes straight into Jaehyun's arms. She regrets not holding onto Jungeun and begging for her to stay, but like every time before that, she lets her go.

-

They gradually grow apart, with Jinsoul becoming busier with school and apologetically blowing Jungeun off. And when she isn't busy it's Jungeun that apologizes instead saying that she has to do something with Jaehyun

It's like that every time. Jaehyun comes before her.

And why wouldn't he? He's her lover, Jinsoul's not. 

He's who Jungeun's in love with, she's not.

He's the one who gets to take her out on days, playfully kiss her when she's not expecting it, he's the one who recieves her affection. 

Not Jinsoul.

He can hold her hand and not have to question whether he's overstepped her boundaries or not. He can show affection towards her and not have to lay awake at night wondering if it bothered her or not.

Jinsoul misses Jungeun particularly when she has to see Jungeun's pictures with Jaehyun on instagram. They're smiliing with glee.

She's tired of the overwhelming envy that stings her every time she sees them together.

-

There's a new girl in her statistics class. A transfer who goes by the name of Ha Sooyoung. She sits next to Jinsoul her first day and they become friends.

Sooyung's nice and her smile is warm and welcoming. She's pretty too. But her smile doesn't carry the brightness that Jungeun's does.

They hit it off quickly, though. With both of them hanging out outside of class. They talk outside of school, using class as an excuse to text each other. They soon become so close that they go everywhere together just like her and Jungeun used to.

Sooyoung's nice, she's comfortable and secure. But Jinsoul doesn't love her, for her hands are colder than Jungeun's, her eyes are duller than Jungeun's, and Jinsoul doesn't wish for her to lovingly call her name.

And turns out Sooyoung feels the same because one day when they're talking of past girlfriends the other girl brings up an unrequited love.

Her high school best friend, who she's still in love with, recently called her up asking to reunite.

"Sad, huh? Being in love with your best friend who doesn't love you back." Sooyoung sadly smiles.

"No, I understand."

Jinsoul thinks that her something voice gave it away because Sooyung responds with, "Ah...same boat?"

"Unfortunately."

-

Sooyoung becomes her rant buddy since whenever they meet up they both always end up venting about their pathetic situations.

"How are things going with Jungeun?" 

Jinsoul and Jungeun still hang out, albeit less than before. 

"Same old same old, still dating Jaehyun. What about you? What's going on with Jiwoo?"

"Actually, I confessed to her yesterday."

Jinsoul's flabbergasted, that's something she never would've expected, "What?! Really? How'd it go?"

"Good, actually, she confessed back." 

She's jealous to say the least. Jealous of Sooyoung's bravery to confess in contrast to her fear. Jinsoul wishes she had the courage to be like Sooyoung.

"Oh my god, that's good. So are ya'll dating now?"

"Not yet, we're taking it slow for now," Sooyoung seemed so happy and Jinsoul couldn't help but be happy for her friend too.

-

One day while Jinsoul and Sooyoung are hanging out, they're linking arms as they're leaving the movie theater, they run into Jungeun and Jaehyun, seemingly on a date.

It's awkward. 

Neither of them know what to say.

"Jungeun, Jaehyun, Hi. You guys on a date?" Jinsoul tries to uplift the atmosphere.

"Yeah... you guys two?" Jungeun eyes Sooyoung. 

"Um no. That's not it we're just hanging out."

"Well have fun, we'll be going now." Jinsoul tries to leave as quick as possible seeing that Jungeun looks like she's ready to punch Sooyoung.

It's only when the other pair have entered the theater and out of their proximity when Sooyoung says, "You sure she doesn't like you? She looked like she was about to throw hands at me at any given sescond."

"She has a boyfriend, Sooyoung."

"So? She looked jealous as hell if you ask me."

"Don't give me hope like that," Jinsoul laughs as she shakes her head but she can't help but want what Sooyoung said to be true.

-

"What? No way! Yeri is way prettier than Irene."

"But is she the face of the group? No. And that's a fact."

"My point still stands. Yeri is the prettiest member and you can't change my mind," Jinsoul retorts.

What started as an innocent conversation about female celebrities between her and Jungeun became a bickering war over who the prettiest idol was which led to them bitterly arguing over their visual ranking of Red Velvet.

"Is she prettier than me?"

That was unexpected, "What?"

"I asked if she was prettier than me."

"Aww... Is little Jungie jealous?"

"Maybe I am. What of it?"

Jinsoul's staring at her, unsure of what to say.

She was about to speak but before the ring of a phone interupted her. Jungeun's phone to be exact.

Jungeun hurriedly reaches for it and answers, "Jaehyun?"

_Jaehyun. Again._

"S-Sorry, Jinsoul. I have to go it's-"

"Yeah, yeah. Jaehyun. I get it."

"I'm really sorry." Jungeun apologizes before she rushes out of Jinsoul's dorm.

It happens a lot with Jungeun. Jinsoul's gotten used to being second choice but that doesn't mean it doesn't still sting.

-

Jungeun calls her up late at night on day, at 3 AM to be precise. 

Jinsoul can tell she's drunk because she's slurring her mouth off into the phone.

"Jinsoouuuull, you're sho pwetty, you know that?"

"Jungeun? Where are you?" 

Jinsoul's already rushing to get her keys before she hears Jungeun say,

"Heyyyy, relaaaax dude. I'm at home."

"I'm coming over." 

She's worried.

-

Jinsoul's greeted by a tipsy Jungeun when the apartment door opens

"YAY!! You're here!"

"And you reek. How much did you drink?"

Her question is immediately answered when she spots a copious amount of bottles knocked over on the table.

"Jungeun," Her voice is stern, "What the hell happened?"

"I broke up with Jaehyun."

**Author's Note:**

> @cupidlcve on twitter  
> @021099j for my chuuves au mwah!


End file.
